Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Ten things I've done that you probably haven't

This thread was started on an online writer's group I'm in. Here's my list. What have YOU done that others probably have not?

Ten things I've done that you probably haven't

1. Had my copy of TKAM signed by Harper Lee who was in a car in my driveway.
(that's as far as she would come since she heard I was a journalist.)

2. Sat next to a guy on a plane who was reading an essay I wrote in USA Today. My picture was on the story and he kept looking at me, back at the essay.

3. Went on a road trip with a repo man for a story.

4. Got my Commercial Driver's License and am legally allowed to drive an 18-wheeler.

5. Choked on a fireball and had three people attempt the Heimlich maneuver until one finally got it right. (cracked two ribs in the process)

6. Lost 7 out of 10 toenails during a one year training quest to run the Chicago Marathon.

7. Wrote an advice column for lovelorn truck drivers.

8. Have a secret, has never failed yet, trick for talking my way out of a speeding ticket. Sometimes, for fun, I used to speed just to see if it worked. (it always did)

9. Dreamed about the murder of a Catholic priest. Saw the whole thing from behind a rock including the part where he was set on fire. The next day, read about it in the papers.

10. Saw Fleetwood Mac in concert(late 70"s) and was later (at a bar in Georgetown) mistaken for Stevie Nicks. Yes, I signed the autograph.

23 Comments:

At 7:06 AM, Blogger C G said...

I have to say that I have not done any of those things. The only thing I'm even close to is that I've run a marathon, but I didn't lose any toenails. That's quite a list.
So...what's this speeding ticket secret, hmmm? If it's anything other than popping out that CDL, then you're going to have to tell us. We're all like a big, opinionated family, and you wouldn't want us getting tickets now would you?

 
At 7:08 AM, Blogger carolyn mason said...

I'd tell ya but then I'd have to kill ya!
(post your top ten!)

 
At 9:24 AM, Blogger David Lee Roth said...

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At 9:31 AM, Blogger David Lee Roth said...

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At 9:31 AM, Blogger David Lee Roth said...

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At 9:31 AM, Blogger David Lee Roth said...

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At 9:32 AM, Blogger David Lee Roth said...

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At 10:08 AM, Blogger David Lee Roth said...

I had this great little rant going when I saw the title of this topic and saw "Things I've done but probably should not have."

And then for some reason I got this huge susccesion of triple postings. Sorry for polluting your blog with all those "deleted message" lines.

As for the actual topic:

1. Had a converation with Ron Jeremy (who for some reason would not shake my hand).

2. Write a negative review of a book, post it online and then have the author write and praise me for taking the time to read his book and giving it attention.

3. Learn to walk and read again and teach yourself to write with a none-dominant hand.

4. Dislocate your shoulder doing an improper flipturn at swim practice.

5. Swim through pitch balck underwater caves, with mantees, sharks and sea snakes and stay submerged at 130 feet below sea level for about 4 hours.

6. Impulsively decide, not once but twice, to go to Greece for a month.

7. Partake in a bet with a friend who says you can't drive from Tuscaloosa to Panama City, Fla., buy a funnel and then drive back again in eight hours. And win the bet (which was not large enough to pay for the speeding tickey I got).

8. Interview strippers to find out what they think of Valentines Day.

9. Jump onstage with Vanilla Ice as he played at the Ivory Tusk (now the Venue) and yell "ice, ice baby" into the microphone together before getting pulled offstage and "escorted" out of the establishment.

10. Save anyone with rescue breathing while working as a lifeguard.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Melissa Cresswell said...

Ooooooh! Why was Harper Lee in your driveway?? I thought she was practically a hermit?

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Patrick Beeson said...

I certainly have many things nobody in their right mind SHOULD do... Here is my contribution to the post:

1. Raced in 24-hour mountain bike race on a course swollen with 21 staight days of rain.

2. Camped out under a tree in a Colorado snowstorm with nothing but a thermorest and sleeping bag.

3. Boast about beating the snot out of actual pro-cyclists at the Beech Mountain Hill Climb, and then proceed to beat them all by five minutes. All while ranked as a CAT 5 (Pro's are CAT 1+).

4. Ridden my road bike 100 miles through the tallest peaks in the Appalachian mountains for something to do. In the rain.

5. Driven through a tornado that wiped out a portion of Kansas City.

6. Gotten kicked out of every bar in Teluride, Colo. Twice. In one night.

7. Been paid for work in alcohol (also in Teluride).

8. Decided to attend a college based on one 80 degree day in the middle of winter. (It was in Tennessee, and I decided to go to Fort Lewis College in Durango, Colo.)

9. Obtained a scar only few will ever see during a bad mountain bike wreck.

10. Slept in a cave.

 
At 2:25 PM, Blogger Justin McCoy said...

1. Rented a golf cart in Belize to go driving around an island.

2. Had a cocktail in the highest bar in Paris.

3. Was instructed to sit on my 50-pound backpack during a thunderstorm/hailstorm in the Appalacians because lightning was literally all around us and our "guides" thought we would get eletricuted through the ground. Hail was marble-sized. Weather's fun!

4. Jumped off of a rope swing into Smith Lake and my left foot landed on a bottle -- 4 stitches. In my defense, the water was just lower than usual.

5. I've met Nascar drivers: Mark Martin, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Dale Earnhardt Sr., Richard Petty, etc. We (my father, brothers, and co.) used to create fake passes (my photoshop skills) to go to the airport after Talladega races and we relaxed and got autographs/talked while waiting for traffic to clear out. Most of the guys were really nice, except Earnhardt Sr.

6. Went spelunking. Absolute darkness, woooooo.

7. Founded a world-renowned Corporation in a Massively Multiplayer Online game by the name of Eve-Online. I know that means nothing to anyone reading this probably, heh.

8. Stood at the top of the World Trade Center less than two years before it fell. An amazing picture, that.

9. Won three 5A state championships in tennis during highschool. (Sorry if this has digressed into bragging.)

10. Has anyone gone over 155 mph? (Infinity Q-45, interstate)

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger Joseph Dennis said...

I have to leave the best out. Wouldn't want to spill any secrets...



1.) Been shot at twice during a high-speed car chase. We found one of the bullets lodged into the top buckle of my seatbelt (about 1.5 inches from the back of my head).

2.) Spent three full days on a boat with no food or power in the middle of a hurricane.

3.) Swam about 400 yards in the Gulf of Mexico from one boat to another in the middle of a hurricane and 100-mile-an-hour winds (different one than above).

4.) Ramped and completely cleared a line of jetties (barrier rocks) off of Ono Island with a 26-foot boat in the middle of the night going about 40 miles an hour (miraculously no one was drunk and/or injured; just a tiny hole in the hull of the boat and a couple of banged-up engines).

5.) Drove into and demolished a church wall with a truck when I was three years old.

6.) Found a dead guy in his car in the parking lot of Bruno’s. He had a pen in one hand and his checkbook in the other. His eyes were open and he had a terrible look of horror on his face.

7.) Wrote a song called “Jack the Piece of Doo Doo” when I was five and heard it being played at a party in Gadsden eleven years later.

8.) Saw the world record blue marlin hooked to a line off the back of my boat for 7 hours and 50 minutes (6:20 pm-2:10 am) until it broke the line. I was in charge of the video camera, but it was extremely low on batteries so I had to conserve. Didn’t get a single shot of the 1,200+ pound fish coming out of the water. He only came up three times. (Swear he was this big).

9.) Have had stitches in my head twelve times. Ten of those times can be attributed to my older brother who used such weapons as glass cups, baseball bats and pool balls. He didn’t mean any harm, though.

10.) Received a phone call from Brooke Burke during the Alabama-Arkansas football game. She was in a hotel bar playing pool with my Dad and his wife in Dallas watching the game on TV. She apologized for her voice being hoarse because they had sung karaoke the night before. She talked my ear off for like ten minutes!

 
At 6:58 AM, Blogger Patrick Beeson said...

Oh, wow. Joseph Dennis, you take the prize here, in my opinion. Where did you grow up? South-central L.A.?

And pardon my ignorance here, but who is Brooke Burke?

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger Emily Kornegay said...

Okay, my life is miserably dull in comparison...but I will give it a shot. I'll give it some thought and get back to you.

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Emily Kornegay said...

1. Sang along with Hootie (of Hootie and the Blowfish) at a random bar in Sandestin, Florida.

2. Stolen a boy's dog out of a fraternity house -- after breaking in said fraternity house.

3. Bought a bottle of champagne bigger than my torso that cost more than a car payment -- too bad it was for work, not for me.

4. Been dragged blindfolded into a fraternity party, dressed like a fairy princess (wings and all) and had "Happy Birthday" sung to me.

5. Fainted in Gordon Palmer Hall -- and no, it wasn't alcohol related.

6. Learned to drive on a Chevy truck.

I'll add later as they come to me

 
At 5:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Sean Kelley, an editor at Randall pub.

10. Ate dinner watching the sun set over Lake Tahoe on Friday night and ate dinner watching the sunset over the Atlantic Ocean in Miami the next night.
9. Bought a straight jacket with company funds.
8. Rode in a Zepplin.
7. Attended 24 Indigo Girl concerts.
6. Dated a supermodel and Vogue cover girl (once!)
5. Slept in the same room as Margaret Atwood (15 years after she did).
4. Kicked officers from the Tuscaloosa Police off my property (on my 21st birthday, no less!)
3. Had my head shaved center court of an Alabama/Arkansas basketball game.
2. Traveled around rural Alabama for four days in an antique BMW with writer Gay Talese in tow.
1. Went in a German brothel less than a month after my wedding (I swear I just looked!) and told my wife about it

 
At 5:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Sean Kelley, an editor at Randall pub.

10. Ate dinner watching the sun set over Lake Tahoe on Friday night and ate dinner watching the sunset over the Atlantic Ocean in Miami the next night.
9. Bought a straight jacket with company funds.
8. Rode in a Zepplin.
7. Attended 24 Indigo Girl concerts.
6. Dated a supermodel and Vogue cover girl (once!)
5. Slept in the same room as Margaret Atwood (15 years after she did).
4. Kicked officers from the Tuscaloosa Police off my property (on my 21st birthday, no less!)
3. Had my head shaved center court of an Alabama/Arkansas basketball game.
2. Traveled around rural Alabama for four days in an antique BMW with writer Gay Talese in tow.
1. Went in a German brothel less than a month after my wedding (I swear I just looked!) and told my wife about it

 
At 6:37 PM, Blogger Joseph Dennis said...

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At 6:43 PM, Blogger Joseph Dennis said...

Naw, South Central Mobile. That story also includes a strip joint, a charcoal grill, the windshield of an F-250 and a cute little stripper named Sunni. Brooke Burke hosted Wild On E!...was on the cover of Playboy...Stuff Magazine's #1 Sexiest Woman...has nice fake...
well you get the picture.

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger Justin McCoy said...

11. Damn, I forgot about the time my family and a "guide" (local guy with a watercraft) were in a 20' or less wooden "boat" and our motor died on us. The catch was that a 15-foot tiger shark was circling us most of the time. One of my little brothers started to get worried, hah. The engine was eventually repaired.

P.S. Thanks for the treats at Phil's.

 
At 2:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

From our very own favorite Andy Duncan.

1. Kenneth Branagh once stripped naked in front of me.

2. I was sent my first joint through the mail.

3. I once rode out a tornado in the ladies’ room of the Taylorville Diner.

4. I’ve flown in a glider, a helicopter and a dirigible.
5. I once did a reading at the KGB Bar in Greenwich Village.
6. Dustin Hoffman once spit on me.
7. I once walked the length of Mesopotamia and made the pilgrimage to St. Margaret’s treacle well.
8. I read Neil Gaiman’s novel American Gods in manuscript.

9. One Christmas, my brother gave me an antique wicker wheelchair.
10. I learned to drive at the wheel of a Ford tractor.

 
At 1:50 PM, Blogger Justin McCoy said...

Neil Gaiman is the shit. How did you pull that off?

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger Becky said...

10 unique things I’ve done … so far

1. Jumped out of an airplane (more than once)
2. Camped and rock-climbed in Colorado in the winter and hiked portions of the Appalachian Trail in the summer
3. Cruised down the Danube River, danced with gypsies in Hungary, and attended a live classical music concert in Vienna
4. Given birth and raised a child (I realize I share this experience with Carolyn.)
5. Moved to Tuscaloosa with the sole purpose of volunteering 40 hours a week for 6 months to help people (that was over 6 years ago.)
6. Been refused entry at the Canadian border
7. Earned my yellow belt in Tae Kwan Do (Don’t laugh; I broke a board with my foot!)
8. Fell in love with a man I met on an airplane and maintained a long-distance relationship for 5 years (we’re still really close friends.)
9. Paid to take a condensed comparative religions course, with my father as the professor, at a junior college in Florida over this past year’s winter break
10. Written the first 35 years of my autobiography (never mind that it was an assignment.)

 

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